Sometimes priority can change a commitment. And being flexible can mean you have been given the gift of humility that your plan may not always be perfect and occasionally is in need of modification. Such is the case with my blog commitment this past weekend. Not that I meant to skip writing, just that I had other first thing in the morning tasks that I thought to put off for the hour or so it takes for me to write this. But in the end thought better of it.
So where were we? Oh yes, we have a few/many sheets of paper with a name of someone we have resentment to at the top. And a list of the things that have given reason to that resentment in point form on one side of the paper. Now we will make use of the second half of that sheet.
Anytime someone angers us they have touched something inside that is vulnerable. No doubt one of the three base drives that we have as humans. It is important to understand which drive this affects and so we identify each point on these lists as affecting one or more of the following seven areas.
- Self esteem - Has what this person did affected how I think of myself
- Pride - affected how others see me
- Pocketbook - changed my earning or saving power
- Personal Relations - has this resentment altered my interactions with others
- Ambitions - changed my goals, plans or designs for the future
- Emotional Security - has this touched my general sense of well being
- Sexual Relations - does this impact my drive for sexual intimacy
You may look at this and ask, how will this make me a better employee? Or better with customers? To this I say, the answer will be coming shortly. Keep writing.
So we do this for each listed resentment and then we review the list. In looking at it we start to see how we have been the victim through our business lives. How our customers, colleagues and friends have really been in control of us. Not the other way around. We see how anger drives us through our day, whether its out in the open blatant anger. Or simmering under the surface sometimes not acknowledged anger. These resentment list show us that it is there. How can we prevent it from interfering with our decision making process? Is there someway to look at things differently?
An old axiom exists just for this. Its about walking a mile in another shoes. It suggests that we need to look at things from the others perspective. We think to ourselves that if ego and self are problematic for me, possibly they are so, for the other person. That if I have dis-ease with the world so may the other. So what do we do when we come across disease? We treat that person with care, compassion and hope. We are patient. We offer our help. Even if we don't know what that help could look like.
From the time my daughter could listen to me I have spoken to her of the 'Golden Rule'. You know it I'm sure, 'Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you'. In business we seem to have forgotten this. Or at least in the sales organizations I have worked in. We are trained away from this most natural of instincts. We need to see how far away form this we've moved.
This list measures that if you are fully honest with yourself.