What I did.
So by now if you have read the preceding blogs you are thinking to yourself, all this stuff I've written down is old news. How is rehashing the anger that I have and how it affects me going to help me become a better employee? Why is knowing that I'm pissed with Bob my customer the path top improved customer relations? Truthfully, its not. What it is though is the window where we can see the solution to this problem of powerlessness in our business lives.
Let's start this part of the process by turning the page on the past, literally. On the front of our sheets we have a name, list of harms done to us and a corresponding itemization of how those harm affected us directly. Now we are going to turn those sheet over to the back side.
On the clean side of the page we are going to once again draw a line dividing the page. This time divide it into 2/3 - 1/3 with the larger side to your left. On this side we are going to begin listing everything that we have done to the person who's name is on the front. Do not fall into the trap of listing the effects of the harms on the front. This is not a listing of he did this so I did that as a result. In finding these points we put out of our minds those harms done to us and list only our own faults.
This list is ours. Not the other persons.
Nothing counts here but honesty. We put the past actions down here that we would never tell anyone. Those things we know we could never be accepted for because of. The actions that would bring about termination if found out. If there is a twinge of guilt, shame or remorse attached to writing something down, then it should be there. If you think to yourself, 'Haha, the effer, sure deserved that!' Then the action deserves to be on the list.
My experience with writing a list like the one described is this. With each action I listed, each dark thought it reminded me of, I was brought this understanding that came more and more into focus. I am the cause of my own demise. I continually set into motion the events that ultimately hurt me.
I did this for each person on my list in a gut wrenching fear filled afternoon the first time. And when finished my life did not implode. In fact I found the next instruction and followed it which was...
When finished writing these transgressions to each person we once again started itemizing each of the actions. Were they the result of selfishness, self-centredness, dishonesty or fear. They may be two or three of these. And when done we looked at the whole list again. These are the four traits that have caused us such pain. We are not proud of them but if we have been honest and thorough we can take small satisfaction in knowing we have begun the process of ridding ourselves of these problems.